I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize