fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
