Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
