I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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