he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
