Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
