I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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