is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
