I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
