omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
