It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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