Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I pour the whiskey from now on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
