So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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