if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is her dick bigger than yours?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
