Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
