Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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