She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
