I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
