Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I touched a dick in church today
I'm gonna fight the coyote
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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