weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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