As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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