His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
