It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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