the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
