I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
