What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize