At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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