i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
