Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Text me some of your sweat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
