I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
