We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
last night I used snow as a chaser
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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