Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
