I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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