Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
