my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
