i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
please don't ironically join a cult
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