Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize