2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
