Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I smell stomach acid.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
