I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
