So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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