I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
