he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
