When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize