she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
