Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize