I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
