This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
