No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
