Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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