I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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