I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
