no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
