so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Boobs are out for the taking
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
