I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
