whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize