So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im part way to drunk.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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