i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
