wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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