i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i out mim tonsoeep
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
