apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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