Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
