This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize