i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
