Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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