Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
