If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
honey bunches of taint.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
