I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
