Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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