I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
