I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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