I think I died a long time ago.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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