Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
