If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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