She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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