You really coming over, don't trick.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my being single is dangerous.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
