i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
