nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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