man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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