well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We named our party play list daddy issues
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is Oprah even human
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
