U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
