Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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