I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
