I CAN MOONWALK!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
