Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
